hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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