I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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