so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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