You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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