If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
