Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Pants are for mortals
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
