you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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