Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
