i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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