69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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