I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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