So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
