If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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