She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
