dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
