u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
