You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
