letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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