i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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