...so i touched it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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