It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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