dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
