Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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