I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
