I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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