Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
