I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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