He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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