She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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