threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
