kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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