I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
