i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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