i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
