I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
