Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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