Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
