Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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