I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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