Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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