hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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