it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
