I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
