Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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