Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
