Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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