i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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