it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
