Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
