so explain again why im purple
no
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
