just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
