I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
