Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
