lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
