so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
