Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
