im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
