hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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