it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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