I met the friendliest cop last night
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Two words: blizzard sex
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
