I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
