He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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