when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
