he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need to align my fucking chakras
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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